Trust

During one of my birthday celebrations last year, my office friends voted on whether they agree or not if my ex-boyfriend is welcome to our circle again. 2 out of 7 voted no and I remember every detail that one of my friend who voted no said. He said he would change his mind only if I can take it all in, meaning – if I can 100% forgive and forget everything. If we fight over something, will I be able to not brought it up? If we are miles or just days apart, can I sleep well knowing that he’s not doing anything naughty again.

Unfortunately, I can’t. We were together today and I feel myself guarding everything in me especially my feelings. I feel like if we will get back together, I’ll always brought up what he did to me, how much I was crushed and how painful everything was. Though we constantly talk, I feel like my trust in him is still wavering. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about this because who knows we can never be. Maybe I’m just gravitating towards him because he’s the one who is here like the guys I’ve met for the past 3 years. Maybe if someone is with me now, things will be different.

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