I can’t stop talking about him. When I talk about him, I say things or stuffs we did before that are mostly the happy ones. Though sometimes I say things that he did to me especially the cheating one but I can’t help it. Sometimes I think that he is still my soul mate even though I know that he is happy now. I can’t stop thinking about that time when I first saw him in our school (when he started courting me) that sudden rush of feelings is so incredible. Its like in the movies where everything is at freeze and blurry, and you only see him. I remember everything about him. I sometimes feel sorry for everything that I’ve done wrong to him and that’s why I’m more accepting now of how things have been for us. Maybe because its for the best. Maybe because we aren’t for each other. I know somewhere deep inside me, I still love him. And I know one day it will all just fade away. Especially when my happiness, my soul mate comes to my life.
He doesn’t even add up to who I really want but fate has really played a huge deal on me. He has a quick temper, he’s not a gentleman (not all the time), he doesn’t share stuffs about him even though I am really trying hard to reach out to him, he has a lot to say about people we commonly know even though I was not expecting him to be like that for some reasons, I can’t push him to do things for me and there’s this one thing that really bothers me about him but I’m not going to say it here. Yet despite of it all, I still like him. Not just a simple crush, because it feels different. Like I would go to any lengths to help him and compose myself. I’m not usually like this, keeping things to myself in front of someone I like. But knowing him, I know he’s not the type to play around especially when it comes to feelings. That’s why I am trying so hard to just keep things to myself. Plus of course other people know except him. I want to keep our friendship. Keep him within my range and just let things be. I don’t want to loose him just because of any impulsive things I would want to do or let him feel because of my affection. But I’m still hoping with the discipline I am doing right now, things will eventually work out for us. And he would see me not just as a friend, but more than that.