Day 3

Had a blast today! We went to the Melbourne zoo and finally saw a real Kangaroo. 

I think I just need to really focus myself on other things instead of contemplating on what had happened to my past relationship. I need to focus on what and who I have now because if I will not mind them, God might them all away at once. It would really devastate my life if that happens. I also set a mantra that whenever I think of him, of what he had done to me, I just think that —

“No! Stop! God doesn’t want this. Just trust in God. He will never abandon you.”

I repeatedly say it to myself, mind over matter, then I stop. I stop my tears from falling. I just need many diversions so that I won’t think about him anymore. He’s ruining my life! God doesn’t want this for me. He wants me to let go and be at peace.

Day 2

It’s a beautiful day here in Melbourne and I’m stuck again thinking about him. When will that day come that I’ll enjoy the day here in Melbourne without tears falling from my eyes. I’m so tired. I’m so fed up. I want to be over it. He’s not worth thinking anymore even though I still love him so much. 

Of course I’m a hypocrite saying that I don’t want him back. I so want him back in my life right now, right at this moment. I would do anything to have him back. I know that if God doesn’t permit it now, He knows the best interest and greatest desire of my heart. If God won’t give him back, I know He has someone in store for me. Better than the one who left. 

I wish the pain will pain go away. I wish to be free from it all. All I want is someone to love me truly and someone who won’t leave me hanging anymore.

What I learn in relationships part 1

  • It’s not how long you are together that defines the quality of your relationship.
  • There must be 3 person in the relationship – you, your partner and God
  • Communication is an essential part of the relationship
  • Relationship must be 2 way. Both partner should understand and compromise the strength and weakness of each other.
  • If you really love the person, no matter who or what attitude he has, what he may become because of the changes around the both of you, what hardships you may go through, YOU will not leave him
  • Be 100% sure of your feelings for a person before you enter a relationship, don’t enter one if you’re just feeling lonely, not used to being alone or you need someone to forget your past
  • It’s not 100% true that you can learn to love a person. I used to believe in a quote that “Who can you be happy with, the person you love truly but causes you pain or the person who you don’t love but makes you happy.” I stick with the latter. I believe that in spite of all my partner’s shortcomings, I can learn to love him. I somehow did but his shortcomings kept on arising as an issue for me. Sad thing is, I stick with him for so many years learning to accept his shortcomings but I guess God didn’t want me to have that feeling for my partner. He wants me to be contented and both of us happy. Bottom line is don’t take that course on learning to love a person. Love must come from within you and you must really feel it.
  • Both of you must have your life of your own. Hobbies, friends, interests, etc.
  • Don’t revolve yourself around your partner’s world. You are your own self, you have a life of your own. No one must define you.
  • Growth is essential in a relationship. Don’t be a shadow of your partner or a reflection of your partner.
  • Be yourself and the right partner will love the real you
  • No matter how long or short you have been together, if your partner is not God wants you to have, you’ll be parted from each other. It’s not a bad thing though because God only wants the best for us. The best person to share married life with.
  • Be open with your partner regarding your feelings so that all is clear and open
  • Try new things together. New hobbies and interests that both of you like.
  • If problem arises, talk about it. Person at fault should compromise and ask for forgiveness.
  • Fix yourself whenever you go out on dates. Don’t be so at ease with your partner that you already forget to pamper yourself.
  • Every moment counts, so cherish it.
  • Always, always, always leave something for yourself. Don’t give it all to your partner.
  • Love yourself first and all else will follow.
  • Don’t bottle up your partner with all the problems you have. He’s there to listen to you not to solve all your problems. Don’t get moody to him because of problems you’ve been having.
  • Show your love to your partner by action not by words
  • Always tell the truth. No secrecy.

Day 1

Here I am starting another blog — wonder how long I am going to last writting here. Nah, I need to be consistent with this blog. I need an outlet on my happiness and frustrations in life.

I think I need to just think that as I write this post, God will soon read it. Yap, its definitely working now.

I’m at work and what I’m doing right now currently bores me. But its work and it pays off my debts and leisure, so work work work!

I’m crying out my eyes last night because of someone who isn’t worth thinking for. I mean come on, he moved on and whether I’m sure or not, he’s with another woman right now. He’s having the time of his life right now without me. But yeah, I’m so stubborn that I keep on thinking about him every minute of the day.

Yep, I’m so stupid not enjoying who I’m with, what I have and where I am right now.

  • I have lots of family and friends that loves and supports me every day. Whenever I plea for them for emotional comfort, they respond to me instantly. They uplift my soul and pat my back. They love me so much that seeing me hurt, hurts them, too.
  • Especially my parents. My heart breaks whenever I hear them worrying about me. I know they don’t want to see me like this that’s why I decided to be silent about my suffering and just pray to God to free me from this pain and suffering.
  • I know I should be contented because I’m not poor materially and spiritually. God provided me well.
  • We have our own home now.
  • I have a work that supplies my finances well.
  • I’m in this great place called Melbourne, working and the same time experiencing leisure.
  • I have travel plans ahead of me.
  • I have plans to revamp myself and I am capable of it now financially
  • I have friends that misses me so much and wants to see me eagerly once I got back home in the Philippines
  • I have this life that God gave me because He knows I can take on it.

He’s only one person and he’s presence in my life resonates to every part of it. He keeps on wrecking my mood and happiness. I must fight him. I must not show that him leaving me will make me miserable and suffer. I know he’s a different person now but it’s him. It’s his life now. It’s up to him to continue to walk on that dark path away from his family and God.

I just wish that one day, I can finally say that I’m free from this pain. I’m free from him. I’m free from my suffering. And I know God is with me.